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Written by Miscarriage Support Auckland Inc
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To help you eventually complete the grieving process in a healthy way, we recommend a farewell ceremony and as there are often no baby remains available, it can help to create your own personal commemoration in a way that reflects on what your baby meant to you. Also, think about others who have lost this baby too. This would be especially true for a baby that would have made first time grandparents, aunts and uncles but also close friends who might be grieving with you, and ask if they would like to be included in a small ceremony.
You may find comfort in the following suggestions:
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Having a formal funeral service involving a minister, priest or a funeral celebrant.
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Having a less formal gathering in an appropriate setting, perhaps around a candle to read something significant to you, e.g. the Bible, poetry or even a piece you wrote yourself.
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In both cases playing music that feels comforting to you, which can be a source of healing.
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Naming your baby.
Or perhaps just something you can do yourselves which is significant:
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Buy a special piece of jewellery; locket, charm, necklace, keychain or birthstone ring.
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Write a letter or poem to your baby or keep a diary of that time.
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Make a tape (it's strange, but hearing your own words of grief is quite healing).
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Creating a 'memory box' for cards, ribbons, dried flowers, a toy or other mementos.
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Planting a shrub or tree in your garden, a pot, a local park or an arboretum.
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Burying a message with flowers.
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Sending flowers or pine cones out to sea or perhaps a message in a bottle.
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Scattering seeds in the wind.
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Putting a message on or in a balloon(s) and releasing it somewhere special to you.
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Ask at a local cemetery if they have an area for lost babies.
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Create your own website.
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Have a small celebration service (even just a glass of wine) on one of the anniversary dates.
Reproduced with kind permission from:
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