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Whatever age your child is, they will always benefit from being involved with more specific, age appropriate activities, both inside your home and through outside organisations.  This may be found through your local Kindergarten, Play Centre, Day Care, Home Education or local playgroup or music and movement class. 

The service or kindergarten that you choose would be based on what is most appropriate for your child and your family.  I know it may be one of the most difficult decisions to make, choosing the right place, asking yourself "is my child really ready?" or "am I really ready to leave them?".  

Sometimes it's a case of 'have to' due to family circumstances or it may be that you can see that your child is wanting to explore their world further, or needing to spend time with friends.  Regardless of the situation there are a number of things that you can do as the adult to help to ensure that they have a great start to this new world ahead of them.  (For the purposes of this article, I will focus on kindergarten.)

Firstly, it is vitally important that you feel happy with the kindergarten that you choose for your child.  If you feel confident about where they will be, your positivity will rub off onto them.  It will also help you to have confidence in who you are leaving them with.  A certainty that their needs will be met, that they are supported and encouraged during their play and activities and that they will grow with a healthy self confidence during their time at kindergarten.

Secondly, make time for you and your child to spend time at the kindergarten a week or two before they start.  Attending a couple of visits, will help them to build up a positive image in their minds about the place that they are going to be.  During the visits, make sure your child meets the teachers, does a couple of activities (paintings, craft etc.) that they can show off and talk about at home and also are able to observe the class routine, like what happens at morning tea, what is expected of them at mat time and how they can meet and make friends.  Also ensure that they know where the toilet is and feel comfortable about using it and when washing their hands.

You also need to tell them that you are only visiting during these times and that when they do actually start, you won't be staying with them.  But that they will be ok, because there are so many friends to play with and fun activities that they are going to be doing.  These moments are great opportunities for you to have conversations with your child and share your own values and views on these topics.

When your child's first day comes around, tell them exactly what you are going to do, for example, "When we get to kindergarten, we're going to hang up your bag, read a book together (or whatever your child enjoys) and then I'm going to say goodbye."  "You can give mum a big cuddle and kiss and say goodbye, ok."  Make sure you really do go, don't drag out the process as this can create bad habits of crying when mum goes and they may try to manipulate you into staying.  When you are planning to come back, try to make it around an activity time, like after lunch or after mat time, this will help them to understand when to expect you, as young children don't really have a good sense of time.

If the kindergarten that you choose for your child is a day care centre, I suggest that for the first few weeks, you start very slowly and increase the length of their day over each week.  It is very difficult for a child to go from being at home to then spending the whole day out, which is often longer hours than what you will do at work, as they have to get to daycare before your work start and are collected after it finishes.

You may have heard the saying that 'play is a child's work' and it surely is that.  They often don't stop the whole day and it's not like home where they can have real quiet or alone time.

As every child has their own unique personality, they too will have their own personal way that they deal with this new experience.  Your aim as their parent, is to set them up for the best possible start and to remain consistent and positive when talking about kindergarten at home or when your child's session time comes around.  It may take a few days to settle or it may take a few weeks.  if they are unsettled try and look beyond the tears and find out exactly what they have done or where they played, so that you can talk with them about it and for you to feel reassured that this is the right experience for them.

Get to know some of the other children's names so you can talk about them to your child and make sure that you do return when you say that you are, otherwise your child will be disappointed, which in turn will create negative feelings towards being at the kindergarten.

It is really important that you stay emotionally aware and in tune with your child, as this will help you to gauge if this new experience really is ok for your child.  Do they settle soon after you leave?  Are they able to tell you about an activity they enjoyed doing?  Can you see some positive changes in their development (i.e. wanting to hang their bag themselves, choosing and engaging in an activity when you arrive, making eye contact with new friends)?

There sometimes is an unfortunate flip side to starting kindergarten, that a lot of parents and teachers don't always want to admit.  I think it is very important and worthy of mention here, and that is that sometimes, some children genuinely do not settle into a particular type of group environment.  It is not always the fault of the kindergarten or daycare, or the parent, it's just that it may not be the right place for that particular child.

This is when you or the teacher see tell tale signs of stress in a child.  Some examples being: not settling at all during the day, not able or wanting to take part in activities, not bonding with the teachers or one particular person, developing bad behaviour or attention seeking problems, adults are unable to calm them when upset, or regression in their development.  It would not be totally uncommon for some children to initially show moments of these behaviours, but we would expect that to stop after a few days.

If after a few weeks or month or two, you suspect that your child is showing signs of stress, ask for a real honesty from the teachers and don't be frightened to make a change for your child.  In a private moment (never talk to the teacher in front of your child) talk to the teachers and think about what it is exactly your child doesn't like about the environment.  Is it too noisy?  Too large a group?  Not enough activities or equipment?  Too many hours or sessions?  Adults not engaged or emotionally supportive of the children?  Is your child being bullied by other children?  Or maybe they just need to spend more time with you?  it's in this moment that you really need to follow your gut feeling.  Don't be shy to take your child our of this environment or cut down on their time at the centre, you're doing what is best for your child.

I think some teachers and parents view this as 'Social Failure', but I view it as keeping your child emotionally safe.  As teachers and parents our aim is to see your child bloom and grow, not for them to be miserable all day.

Take some time to investigate other education and care options, once you find the right one or combination for your child, they will never look back and you will have had no regrets.  Do you know I have seen some moments that have brought me to this conclusion, children at three and four years old displaying bad behaviour and suddenly parents are no longer able to ignore the behaviour, start taking time off work to be with their child before they start school, this is great, but I wish they had put that time and attention in when they were a baby and toddler, then they may not be having this bad behaviour now.  It may seem harsh to some of you and I guess that's another story, but all I ask is that you be aware that this can happen to children and for you to know when to put a stop to this.

Overall, teachers are wonderful people who do care about your child and have a passion for supporting play and development in all children and I'm sure that they will do their best to help your child to settle.  Your child is special and they definitely deserve the best of you and the best care and education available, it's all about finding a happy medium.

Enjoy this time ahead, we learn so much more about our children and who they are as they take part in these new experiences.  So it's a time of discovery for you also, remember the moment, have fun with them in 'their place' and don't forget to take lots of photos, as we all know how quickly they learn new skills and how their little faces change.

Happy playing little ones, the world awaits what it is that you bring!